A: Introduction To (s)Words

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Fred (reading): The history and implements of fending, and the duel are inextricably intertwined, with homicide and good clean sporting fun all braided together and influencing each other to a remarkable... they seemed to go back... the stout fencing... mask came out of trying... or put a leak in a vein. The foil is not a rapier substitute, but a sportster's safetied smallsword; pointy and thrust... rapier, with weight enough to fence... -time, ...parry-riposte, ... it aloud...
Kathy (thinking): He is so cute... I mean, really adorkable—!

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Fred (reading): The rapier is not light enough to do this, and hence requires some sort of defensive arm as well as its "reach out and touché." The rapier's greater mass and lesser... greater... whereas... a cut-the-bejayzus... of things; a man can still get killed, but it isn't as easy. That is an important point, Ma'am— no pun intended.
Kathy (thinking): His voice is darling... I love listening to him talk... I could listen to him read aloud all day...

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Fred (reading): The sword-of-war is somewhat more massive, with a balance that optimzies it to cut as well as thrust, for use on light... normally you aim for... armpits, ... the chinks for more... inside the armor. Sword... to suit both cut and thrust, hand-to-hand combat being the scramble that it is, with everyone... to the instinct...
Kathy: I'm not getting a word of what he's saying, though...

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B: Foof!

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BookTitle: The Urbane Guerrilla
Fred (reading): The rapier is designed to be effective against an unarmoured opponent. The smallswords is far more effective against foes in plate harness of half-armour, where you go with thrusts, both single-handed and with both hands on the weapon, using techniques to pickaxe the point through the—

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(Kathy blows on Fred's ear)
Sfx: Foof! flik flik flik

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Fred: Did... you you just foof my ear?
Kathy: Nu-u-u...